Sure, the regular horoscope is great, and the alignment of the stars can tell us a lot about the person that we are, but food can tell us even more. Specifically Thanksgiving food. Whether it’s mashed potatoes or gravy or your aunt’s weird casserole, there is a designated hearty food that describes what you’re like at your innermost core.
We put our minds together with a bunch of scientists, chefs and astro-physicists to create this extremely accurate horoscope. All you need to do is find your astrological sign below. Bon appetit!
Aries – Brussels Sprouts
Just like Brussels Sprouts, you don’t always agree with people but you’re healthy, and enjoyable in small doses.
Libra – Mashed Potatoes
You’re an extremely reliable side kick. Most people will say they can’t live without you.
Taurus – Gravy
You’re thicc, luscious and creamy. Your insecurities may cause you to feel unable to stand on your own.
Scorpio – Cranberry Sauce
You’re sweet and sour and a messy bitch.
Gemini – Apple Pie
You’re tough on the outside but soft on the inside. You are extremely attractive, causing people to want to have you in the middle of the night.
Sagittarius – Turkey
Your outgoing personality will cause you to be the center of attention this Holiday season. You have a dry sense of humor.
Cancer – Holiday Roasted Vegetables
You’re wholesome but boring, and you make a stink when you’re ignored.
Capricorn – Baked Sweet Potato
You’re just a little off and nobody’s favorite, but you’re not salty about it.
Leo – Food on the floor
Sometimes people forget about you but at least your dog is happy to see you.
Aquarius – Pecan Pie
You’re very sweet but completely nuts. Dentists hate you.
Virgo– Green Bean Casserole
You have so much to offer, and yet nobody wants to touch you.
Pisces – Roasted Butternut Squash Soup
You are a warm, comforting person. But if someone mistreats you, you have no problem burning them.